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A mix of conflicting emotions come over me whenever I think about my journey into the strange world of modeling. On one hand, there's the adventure, the travel opportunities, the spectacular images, the admiration, the joy of success, and the chance to meet so many amazing artists...then there's the disappointments, the failures, the repetition, the detachment that sometimes occurs, the constant time away from home, the jerks/creeps, the sleep deprivation, the stress, and the nagging feelings of doubt always present in the back of my mind...the dark moments where I occasionally question my own sanity.
It gets harder and harder to top what I've already done, and to live up to my own expectations. I tell myself I should be proud of what I've already accomplished, which is more than I could have ever hoped, especially considering my age and stats. I *am* proud of how far I've come, but somehow it's never quite enough. As long as I'm modeling, I can't help but try to surpass the work I've already done, and as it gets harder, the pressure seems suffocating at times. I can't just enjoy it--I agonize over everything, I tear apart every image, I lie awake at night thinking of what I can do next, and I worry that I might be a disappointment to the next photographer I shoot with. My life is completely unbalanced, and modeling has become an obsession....I really hate that I love it so much.
The truth is that I'm rather addicted to the adventure, and the uncertainty of it all--the emotional rollercoaster that is modeling. The idea that I could end up climbing the staircase of an abandoned building, shivering in the freezing cold water of a beautiful lake, or dangling off the edge of a rocky cliff, and all for the sake of art. The fact that I can be completely overwhelmed with happiness on one day, and then crying by myself in a hotel room far away from home on the next....I never know what the outcome of a shoot will be; but the unknown is what excites me, and causes me to simultaneously fear and crave the next experience.
What if I've already peaked? What if my best work is behind me? How much longer can I possibly keep doing this? My modeling days are indeed numbered, and soon it may be time to return to a more normal life.....but not now....not quite yet.
It gets harder and harder to top what I've already done, and to live up to my own expectations. I tell myself I should be proud of what I've already accomplished, which is more than I could have ever hoped, especially considering my age and stats. I *am* proud of how far I've come, but somehow it's never quite enough. As long as I'm modeling, I can't help but try to surpass the work I've already done, and as it gets harder, the pressure seems suffocating at times. I can't just enjoy it--I agonize over everything, I tear apart every image, I lie awake at night thinking of what I can do next, and I worry that I might be a disappointment to the next photographer I shoot with. My life is completely unbalanced, and modeling has become an obsession....I really hate that I love it so much.
The truth is that I'm rather addicted to the adventure, and the uncertainty of it all--the emotional rollercoaster that is modeling. The idea that I could end up climbing the staircase of an abandoned building, shivering in the freezing cold water of a beautiful lake, or dangling off the edge of a rocky cliff, and all for the sake of art. The fact that I can be completely overwhelmed with happiness on one day, and then crying by myself in a hotel room far away from home on the next....I never know what the outcome of a shoot will be; but the unknown is what excites me, and causes me to simultaneously fear and crave the next experience.
What if I've already peaked? What if my best work is behind me? How much longer can I possibly keep doing this? My modeling days are indeed numbered, and soon it may be time to return to a more normal life.....but not now....not quite yet.
RIP, Tumblr
Now that Tumblr is dead (not allowing 18+ content anymore) I will be working on transferring several images here that I haven't yet posted. Although I'm not modeling anymore, I would still like a place where most of my work can be viewed, and it looks like DA is it! I may also be posting some of my photography here.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still retired from modeling, but will be back here intermittently in the near future, so feel free to say hello. :-)
Hope everyone is well!
~Melissa Ann
Images published in Model Society
I'm excited to announce that some of my work with Randall Hobbet has been featured in a special mini issue of Model Society Magazine!
You can preview and purchase a copy here: http://modelsocietymagazine.com/melissa-ann-randall-hobbet/ .
Please have look, and consider purchasing an issue to support Model Society & our art. You can also help me get the word out by SHARING this to your various social media pages. Huge thanks to Randall Hobbet and David Bollt for making this happen. I've been a member and fan of Model Society for quite some time, and it's such a huge honor be featured in the magazine.
Sorry I haven't been around much, I'v
To those of you that draw, paint and sculpt...
I seriously love you guys. This includes some of the digital painters too.
Every time I get a message from one of you with a link to a piece you've created that was inspired by one of my images, it really makes my day/week/month. I go back and look at your artwork, and feel so honored that you guys took the time to make something truly unique, and share it with me. I hope to post most of your artwork on my Tumblr at some point, I just have to space it out between regular photos so I don't run out of your lovely work too soon.
I'm so grateful to all of you, I can't thank you enough.
I've never had personal prints made of my images, but plea
Llama Badges?
Thank you to everyone who has given me llama badges, and I'm sorry that I haven't individually thanked everyone. The truth is that I don't really keep track of the llamas because I don't understand what they're for. It looks like you're supposed to be able to trade them for points or something? I'm not sure what can be done with the llamas or the points. Can anyone explain this to me? I feel rather silly for not knowing after all this time.
© 2013 - 2024 melannc
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Here's hoping you stay the course, incredible beauty and obvious talent! Thank you for sharing your work!